Its been a really hard time getting over the death of a teammate. Our first race to do with out Dave was Nationals. I didn’t think it would be so hard. Everyone wanted us to do for Dave. We planned and prepared really well but nothing seemed to go right.  We weren’t working well together on our nav. Small errors and lack of confidence in our choices kept us out of the lead. We had several flat tires that started to take the wind out of our sails. We made a another small navigation error during the orienteering section and came back to our bikes even further back in the pack. We also came back to another flat tire. Being cold from the rain and low on team moral we decided to call it a day. It was a very hard decision to make. I wondered how we would ever race and win again without Dave.

I stopped training after Nationals and looked for ways to finally take the time to grieve my dear friend. Up until Nationals I was so angry over his death can continued to ask "why?". After the race my anger turned to sadness and  I knew I had to find a way to get over my sadness before I could start to race again. I tried so hard to let go of Dave and kept reminding myself that he wasn’t there. Those thoughts only contributed to my sadness.

I read several books and turned to counselors for help.   Finally today I feel I have made it over the hurdle. I realize now that I don’t need to let Dave go or convince myself he isn’t here. Dave was such an awesome friend and teammate, I know that he will always be here. I am now ready to race….to race with Dave here. His spirit will always be in my heart and I will carry his to all the beautiful places and adventures our team will take together. iMOAT

-Leslie